It’s sad to say but I’ve never known love in a relationship with a man, only disappointment and hurt. I am so tired. I’ve recognized my fallback girl qualities or to put it another way, (being 2nd best). I’ve gone to therapy, I engage in positive affirmations and I get involved in really living my life…and now I find myself not wanting to be in a relationship with a man. I rarely find one who isn’t… an Ass. Usually in the first couple of dates I recognize the pattern and get the hell out. It’s interesting that I am no longer fascinated by men. They seem soooo superficial. It gets lonely sometimes, as a woman of 30 wanting male companionship is healthy (as my therapist told me) but I’d rather be alone and sane, happy and whole than deal with the heart breaking, mind-altering crap these men bring to one’s life. I still have hope sometimes that a decent emotionally available man will come into my life. In the meantime, I continue to work on me and find happiness and companionship where I can. Peace and love ♥

Be real. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it is a duck. Hanging some lovehearts, a card, a dinner, a gift, some sex, or whatever it is off someone who is unworthy of your time doesn’t change the fact that they’re unworthy of your time. If someone doesn’t value you, it’s a sign that you need to move on. Know your value irrespective of who you’re with – it’ll ensure… that you don’t keep yourself in bad company and you’ll keep your feet firmly in reality. Tempting as it is to get lost in illusions, you will not get a real relationship with someone who is real if you persist. This is why it is important to be authentic so you can have authentic relationships. If you pretend, it’s a disrespect to yourself and potentially also to them. If you’re not treating yourself with love, care, trust and respect and wondering why someone can’t love you for you, look a bit closer to home and make sure you are being you.

Don’t look at being single as that annoying time that passes between crappy relationships. Yeah you’re not in a relationship but at least you’re not in an illusionary one with someone dodgy. Get on with life and enjoy living because being personally secure and not losing your mind over your relationship status will prevent you from operating out of a negative place. Don’t write yourself off – have faith that there is better out there for you and that in the meantime, you’re going to treat you as you want to be treated. In the meantime, tomorrow is a new day, and don’t disregard your feelings. If you want to cry, cry, and then get back up. You’re human, you love, and you want to be loved, but make sure you don’t have a desperate urge to be loved – it attracts ‘desperate’ types of people that exploit your own lack of self-love.

If you spend a lot of time thinking about an old relationship or an ex, or instead, focus on berating yourself, you’re stealing time from you and focusing your energy on the wrong things. Likewise, if you’ll place your bets on other people instead of taking a leap of faith on yourself, you won’t act in your own best interests. You can’t go forward if you’re not getting on with living the life you’…re in now because you’re trying to hold on to something that has already passed by and was potentially making you miserable.

Keep challenging yourself to be honest. Keep challenging yourself to see things as they are instead of how you thought they were, or how you’d like them to be. Ask yourself what your part is in things, not because you should be blaming yourself, but because we are all accountable for where we are, especially when we keep finding ourselves in the same patterns. Ask yourself what you don’t want to think or talk about – and then think and talk about it. Ask yourself what you’ve been avoiding doing and evaluate whether you should actually be doing it. Be willing to hear and be willing to ask the uncomfortable questions that prevent you from getting lost in illusions.

Treat yourself like a valuable friend who you trust to act in your best interests, even though it means that at times you’ll make uncomfortable decisions that work in the favour of the greater good of yourself. Wake up! Many of us are sleeping on the job – coasting through life, letting life and relationships ‘happen’ to us and thinking that it must be ‘fate’ and what we want. We’re relying on staying as we are and hoping that life turns in our favour. Raise the alarm, set it, and keep setting it every day because if you want something different to what you’ve had, you’ve got to live life differently and be different to what you’ve been. That doesn’t mean fundamentally changing who you are – it’s recognising that relationship insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results.