Archive for March, 2012

What will I give to the world today?

What will I give to the world today?  What will I add to the experiences of the people with whom I have contact on this day?  I can’t say for sure just whom I’ll deal with today, but I can decide right now whether I want my contribution to this day to be positive or negative, helpful or hurtful, constructive or destructive, uplifting or not.

 

Today, I want to contribute pleasantness whenever I meet someone, whether I know them or not.  I don’t have to wear a pasted-on smile in order to be pleasant, but I do have to avoid sarcasm or judgment.  When people receive my pleasantness, it may be the first pleasantness of their day, so I’ll try to be very pleasant. 

I’d also like to contribute kindness to this new day.  This means that I must use words that are kind and act in a kindly way, avoiding looks and actions and words that simply are not kind.  Perhaps someone will appreciate this kindness and pass it on to someone else.

I’d also like to contribute encouragement.  I’ll have plenty of opportunities to do so.  And if I am encouraging, it may just happen that someone else finds the strength and courage to continue something very important to them.

I’ll try my best to contribute praise and avoid criticism.  If the praise is sincere, I may just be able to make someone else feel better about him or herself.

I want to contribute peacefulness.   If I can face all of my duties and problems with a quiet confidence, looking calmly for solutions rather than complaining about the way things are, I can act as a role model for peacefulness.  In this way at least I won’t be adding to the stressful input of those people who are around me.

It would be nice if I could also contribute some hope to this day, for someone, somewhere.  It could be in the form of letting them know that I’ve been through what they have, and things worked out okay, or in the form of helping them to see the strengths they have that will help them to do what they need to do.  Either way, the hope they get can be very valuable for them.

There’s a whole day ahead of me, today, tomorrow, and the next day.  What I contribute to each of these days is, in short, my contribution to the world.  So what am I going to do?  Shall I contribute to the positive energy of the world, or to the negative?  The choice always is mine.

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The Red Flags of Dating …

To help women tackle the well-known problems they have in their relationships with men, there are a number of popular TV shows, websites, newsletters, and self-help books that attempt to discuss what men are all about, and purport to help women understand men better. Women—generally being the more insightful and self-effacing gender—write the majority of these self-help tomes, so a man’s perspective on his thoughts and actions is conspicuously missing.

These issues rear their heads at different times during a relationship, and analyzing the challenges of an established relationship is very different than issues that appear during dating/courtship. But after speaking with a couple thousand people over the past seven years, there are some universal warning signs that occur at the beginning of a relationship—and then (most of the time) get worse as time marches on.

Let’s address the Top Five:

5. No thought into the date: Venues for first dates should follow three basic guidelines: public, conservative, and casual… but they should also reflect some notion of planning (even if it’s a blind date). Whether you go for coffee, head to the beach, or declare paintball war, points should be given to men who plan, think, and stay focused on the date itself, not on what they might want to happen at the conclusion of it (hint-hint, nudge-nudge). However, keep in mind: Early dates are the standard by which your entire relationship will be measured subconsciously as it matures. Set the bar high, and keep the bar high. If he starts strong and peters off (usually after you hit the bedroom a couple of times), it might be time to reassess things.

4. Confidence: Successful relationships are built on equality, to be sure, but men should still come with a confidence that shows them as a leader. This may sound basic, but many men seem to have missed this boat—perhaps through insecurity, a checkered romantic past, or (the worst offender) indifference—and aren’t able to make a decision, react correctly in social situations, or even plan a date. He doesn’t need to have all the answers, but he needs to bring at least 50% of things to the table. If you find yourself putting more into the relationship than you planned, talk about it. If it doesn’t change, pack your bags.

3. The “Little Things”: Small behaviors are sometimes the biggest telltale signs. Ordering for you at a restaurant is nice, but not if he hasn’t asked you what you want first. Being half-a-step ahead of you as you walk holding hands, visually coping a feel by staring at your breasts as he talks to you, or automatically interpreting your first kiss as a precursor for sex are all red flags.

2. Communication: Meaning: ” The imparting or exchanging of information or news”. But, please note a key phrase in that definition: an exchange of information. Men who talk about themselves a majority of the time when you’re dating might be trying to impress, but more than likely they are also self-absorbed. “Communication” also means active listening… and if he’s not listening to you upfront, he probably won’t later.

1. Courtesy: When dating, the one thing that is noticeable right away is courtesy. Yes, pulling out chairs, opening doors, and paying the check are all signs of a gentleman (and hopefully that behavior stays throughout the relationship). However, one of the biggest red flags often isn’t addressed: How does he treat other people in your presence? Bashing ex-girlfriends, talking trash about friends, snide remarks about your friends… these are all warning signs. And men who need to show their masculinity by insulting/abusing service personnel—food/cocktail servers, coffee shop cashiers, whatever—aren’t worth your time. Period. How he treats others is a direct reflection of how he will treat you.

 

Ladies: There are some great men out there, but you won’t find them if you ignore the warning signs and sacrifice your self-worth and settle. Keep in mind that no matter how good he looks on the dance floor or how sweetly he pulled out your chair for you on your first date, some other woman has most likely told him (recently) that she was sick and tired of his bullshit. Stay vigilant, hold your ground and demand more from the men in your life.

 

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My thoughts compilation :)

Don’t rush into anything unless it feels right. Sometimes it is best to let it go and take some time to let the path clear up. It may take a minute, a day, week, month or a year. It doesn’t matter. Sometimes the path is to hang on where you are for a little while before moving to a new direction….

It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth.

Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of
real and important progress.

The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — and celebrate your struggle….

Your ego doesn’t like surprises. All it wants is control. Notice it. Can you let it go?

Let life surprise you. Don’t hold onto an outcome.

Sometimes what we want comes in a different package than we originally thought of, but it may be an even better experience. Don’t let your expectations make you miss what life offers you.

Drop the expectations. That is the only way to live to the fullest. In gratitude for what comes and what is….

Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and only become bigger and bigger, but when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You are only as sick as your secrets. So take off your mask, stop pretending, you’re perfect, walk into freedom….

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