Archive for hurt/heart

HEARTBREAK….

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HEARTBREAK is unpreventable; the natural outcome of caring for people and things over which we have no control, of holding in our affections those who inevitably move beyond our line of sight.

Heartbreak begins the moment we are asked to let go but cannot, in other words, it colors and inhabits and magnifies each and every day; heartbreak is not a visitation, but a path that human beings follow through even the most average life.

Heartbreak is our indication of sincerity: in a love relationship, in a work, in trying to learn a musical instrument, in the attempt to shape a better more generous self.

Heartbreak is the beautifully helpless side of love and affection and is just as much an essence and emblem of care as the spiritual athlete’s quick but abstract ability to let go.

Heartbreak has its own way of inhabiting time and its own beautiful and trying patience in coming and going.

Heartbreak is inescapable; yet we use the word heartbreak as if it only occurs when things have gone wrong: an unrequited love, a shattered dream, a child lost before their time.

Heartbreak, we hope, is something we hope we can avoid; something to guard against, a chasm to be carefully looked for and then walked around; the hope is to find a way to place our feet where the elemental forces of life will keep us in the manner to which we want to be accustomed and which will keep us from the losses that all other human beings have experienced without exception since the beginning of conscious time.

But heartbreak may be the very essence of being human, of being on the journey from here to there, and of coming to care deeply for what we find along the way… David Whyte

 

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When it’s time to let go

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A lot of people regardless of their sign, believe that holding on, infinitely, are signs of love, courage, and strength. But there are times when it takes a lot more strength to realize when it’s time to let go and actually follow through with it. Not every man/woman or thing is meant to be in our lives forever. Once it’s over, Use that down time to reflect and evaluate you and what you need to be happy, think about the relationship as a whole and what you got from it then move on. You can’t make anyone love you or be a part of your life. What is meant to be will always be. But don’t miss out on “THE ONE” because you are too busy dwelling on the maybe’s and what if’s of yesterday.

A great relationship consist of 2 things. Appreciating what you share in common, and respecting each others differences. Never change because it’s what THEY want or think is best for you. Pretending will only make you miserable in the long run. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone used to be than it is to fill the space of who you used to be.

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ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! Watch for people who tell you what they think you should hear. A persons actions speaks the whole TRUTH. Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent, and their actions never match up with their words, it might be time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. Pay attention because people will reveal themselves slowly!

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice. The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today. Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.

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Forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. Big challenges prepare ordinary people for extraordinary success. Every struggle arises for a reason – either for experience or as a lesson. A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it. The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing good will ever happen.

Realize that it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken either. Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. That’s what LIVING is all about. Don’t just settle for the default settings in life, when you can customize absolutely everything.

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Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back. Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present. Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place. Let it GO! You must accept the end of something in order to build something new. So close some old doors today. Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere. Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. You will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning.

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If you feel like you need to let something go, but you simply haven’t been able to do so, know that you’re not alone. Accepting what is, letting go, and moving on are skills that all of us must learn when facing the realities of life, but these are also skills that take time to master. And today we challenge you to put in a little time…

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#listeningtomyheartnotmymind!

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It’s finally over, he broke up with you.
After promising each other countless times that you will never give up on each other finally it all caved in.
Heartbroken you feel broken.
Words can’t put together how disappointed and painful this is.
But you can’t let him see how devastated you are.
You go an act as if everything is okay, played it so well you deserve an Oscar.
To give your facade more credibility, you start to hang with Oscar the guy you told him you’d never date.
You want him to see you happy with a possible candidate If not more
You want to hurt him in revenge, show him you settled for him and could’ve done better
But you didn’t and it’s over with
You don’t see how you’re just prolonging your hurt.
Instead of dealing with the pain you spend most of your time hiding it
Instead of working on yourself, you spend time picking out who you will look best with to piss off your ex
Instead of falling in love with you, you fall into a relationship with no potential
You later on convince yourself that you fell in love when you really found someone who caught you when you were tripping.
Still in pain, still haven’t moved on mentally now you’re jumping from relationships to relationships trying to forget that ex.
When you finally stop trying this so called love race, you finally look back and see how much pain you’ve added to that pain.
Now consumed by inflicted pain, all you can can conclude to is, LOVE IS VAIN

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Think positive and positive things will happen.

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Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two common ways this habit increases people’s difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Most of what they assume is wrong. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what they’re thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.

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Don’t take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren’t talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don’t especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren’t personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.

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Don’t assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isn’t always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn’t make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won’t change because you feel bad—nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren’t the truth.

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Don’t let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, you’ll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It’s amazing what isn’t there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you’ll find those too.

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Don’t hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you’ll feel and the bigger they’ll look. Don’t try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you’ve removed just about all its power to hurt you.

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….just human <3

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When people are not able to communicate and connect with you in the way you need to, it makes you feel uncared for. And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t inherently bad or uncaring — they’re just busy and self-focused. Maybe their heart and mind doesn’t work like yours. And that’s okay. It’s not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn’t make you unlovable or invisible. It just means that those people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are — that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others — is a strength. Your work isn’t to change who you are; it’s to find people who are able to give you the connection you need. Because despite what you feel, you are not too much. You are not too sensitive or too needy. You are thoughtful and empathetic. You are compassionate and kind.

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6 Reasons Your Relationship is Suffering

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1. Presumed expectations about how someone “should be.”
You don’t love and appreciate someone because they’re perfect, you love and appreciate them in spite of the fact that they are not. “Perfection” is a deadly fantasy – something none of us will ever be. So beware of your tendency to “fix” someone when they’re NOT broken. They are perfectly imperfect, just the way they should be.

Truthfully, the less you expect from someone you care about, the happier your relationship with them will be. No one in your life will act exactly as you hope or expect them to, ever. They are not YOU – they will not love, give, understand or respond like you do.

The biggest disappointments in life and in relationships are the result of misplaced expectations. Tempering unrealistic expectations of how something or someone “should be” will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering.

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2. Searching for the missing pieces of YOU in someone else.
When we’re feeling incomplete, we tend to go out looking for somebody else to complete us. Initially we meet someone who’s compatible with us and they distract us from our deficiency, at least for a while. Then a few months or years into the relationship, we find that we’re still feeling incomplete, so we blame our friend or lover. It feels like they’ve changed, but in reality they haven’t; they’ve just become less of a distraction to our own growing, inner void.

Ultimately what you need to realize is that while a close friend or lover can add beautiful dimensions to your life, YOU are responsible for your own fulfillment. Only you can complete yourself. Nobody else can provide your missing pieces, and to believe otherwise is to succumb to a lifetime of feeling broken, as every relationship you enter eventually ends in hopeless disappointment.

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3. Poor communication.
Perhaps there’s something that really bothers you about your friend or lover. Why aren’t you saying something? Are you afraid they’ll get upset? Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. Either way you need to deal with it upfront, constructively, and avoid burying it until it worsens, festers and explodes out of you.

Great communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you’re feeling jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your friend or lover, you must communicate them clearly. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must get them out of your head and into the open so they can be worked out.

Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication running. Always give the important people in your life the information they need to understand you. And communicate more than just problems – communicate the good things too. Share what you love about your friend or lover. Share what is going on in your mind and heart. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes and dreams.

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4. Little lies that add up.
Anything is better than lies. They are like a cancer in the heart and soul. They eat away what is good and leave only decay and devastation behind. If you spend your life learning to lie to the people around you, not only will you hurt and deceive them, you will also hurt and deceive yourself – you will forget your own truth.

There is perhaps no phenomenon that is more destructive to a relationship than dishonesty, which permits envy, hate and deception to be acted out under the guise of love and virtue. Even the smallest, seemingly innocent lies eventually snowball into larger issues. Stand by the whole truth – your truth – always. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t and don’t, then DON’T LIE.

It’s always better to tell the whole truth up front. Don’t play games with the minds and hearts of others. Don’t tell half-truths and expect your friends or lover to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies.

Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and messing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Honesty is the healing remedy.

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5. Lack of presence.
Presence is complete awareness, or paying full attention to “the now.” If you do not find at least some amount of presence in the moments you share with those you care about, it is impossible to listen, speak, compromise, or otherwise connect with them on a meaningful level.

Presence is looking inward and learning how to be with yourself, in the moment, see the gears turning, embrace what’s in your immediate vicinity, and thereby put space around destructive thoughts of other times and places, as you apply your full energy to the “here and now.” The idea is that you must first attend to the reality of the moment before you can effectively contribute anything positive to it.

Simply being completely present with someone else is difficult because it requires you to share yourself completely, vulnerabilities and all, and enter a moment of unguarded honesty with this person.

To cultivate your presence, all you need to do is sit quietly for as long as you desire and put your full attention on your breath – thinking only of what each inhale and exhale feels like. Don’t judge or resist your inner-workings. Simply accept and breathe. Practice this a few times a day, and it will start to feel more natural. This way, when you are in the thick of a deep conversation with a friend or partner, you can access that presence and listen without judgment or impatience, speak with clarity, and learn to fully connect and compromise.

Bottom line: Be Present. Give the people you care about your full attention. Let them see they’re own beauty in your eyes. Let them find their own voice through your listening ears. Help them discover their own greatness in your presence.

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6. Some relationships aren’t meant to last.
There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life in the long-term no matter how much you want them to. They pass through your life in a shorter time frame than you had hoped to teach you things they never could have taught you if they stayed.

So many people think friends or lovers have to be the perfect fit, because that’s what everyone tells you to want – that’s the Hollywood love story. Of course, it’s nice when relationships stay healthy and last, but that doesn’t mean your failed relationships aren’t equally as important. Some people you engage with will be like a mirror – people who show you things that are holding you back, people who show you the ways that don’t work, people who bring your insecurities and misjudgments to your own attention so you can change your life.

If these people – the ones who come into your life for a short time and teach you a priceless lesson – that are some of the most important people you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you until you’re wide awake.

Do you want to live with these people in your life forever? No way – that would be way too painful! They come into your life to shake you up, tear apart your ego, flip your perspective, show you your obstacles, break your heart and mind open so new rays of light can shine in, just to reveal another layer of YOU to yourself, and then they move on like they’re supposed to.

Take their lessons as gifts and be sure you move on too.

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Helping you get over somebody :)

Statistics have revealed that over 90% people in this world have suffered a heartbreak at one point or the other in their life. Here are some thoughts which might be helpful in helping you get over somebody.

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1. Tell yourself you want to get over the person. The problem more often than not is that you simply don’t want to get over the person, the relationship, the good times, the bad times. Tell your heart to shut up, and tell your mind that you are ready to move on.

2. Trying to be friends with somebody you’ve been in a relationship with works for some people, but in most cases (especially if you have a weak heart), it is a better idea to cut all ties with your friend. No meeting, no talking, no checking out pictures on facebook, no checking with friends to check out what’s happening with the person, no touch at all in short.

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3. Let it all out. Talk to a friend, cry your heart out if you want, write some poetry/ a blog, just let this feeling out of your system. Yes, it hurts even more when you start talking about it, but if you don’t, then it will hurt you some more later.

4. You may feel that drinking or smoking or trying any other intoxicant is helping, but it’s actually not. It is only suppressing the pain further, making you more hateful from within.

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5. Listening to romantic songs/ watching romantic movies / being near mushy things is a strict no no. Change the music, the movies, the sitcoms, all other things that make you want to fall in love some more.

6. Secretly keeping some pictures of the person in your phone/computer even after friends told you to delete them is not such a good idea. Please delete them. Now.(right after you’re done reading the rest)

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7. Wondering how s/he was the one, or wondering how things were perfect between you two, or wondering you two were soulmates will not help. Simply speaking, if s/he was the one, and you two were soulmates , then the relationship wouldn’t have broken up in the first place. It would have just carried on, wouldn’t it? You both are supposed to be at different places in life and with different people moving further.

8. Saying you will not fall in love ever again is a natural consequence of a break up. But then, love happens, you can’t help it, it happens by itself. So don’t feel like you’ll never fall in love again, or don’t tell yourself that you will never find somebody to love you again. Everything can happen.

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9. Finding a new person to love right after a breakup is not the best thing to do. More often than not, what you have with this new person is not love, but the feeling of filling up of empty space that has been created because of your recent breakup. You will want to love this person because it helps you forget the old person, a fact which is true, but can backfire quickly. Love somebody moving ahead, but love somebody for the right reasons, because you like them, or you feel they make you feel special, or because you both have a common goal in life, or because the person is just too lovely not to not love.

10. Meditate. Sounds weird, eh? Love leaves some very strong impressions on life. Ones that are very difficult to get rid of. Meditation, in its original form, or doing anything in life that simply makes you forget everything else about the world and helps you concentrate on that one thing that you are doing is a great form of helping shift your mind from what has happened to something constructive, something creative, and something that helps you calm your mind. Pick up a hobby, get busy in a group which does some work, make new friends, travel, or just do anything that makes you busy on a constant level. You’d have been so busy loving the person before, that the most important thing killing you right now is the loneliness that surrounds you. But it is you who needs to do something about this feeling, by getting busy yourself.

Will this help you to get over the person instantly? No. If falling in love and being in love was a long process, then getting over it is also naturally a long process. But crying and wailing about what happened is definitely not going to make things better. You need to do something to make things better. And by trying to do them, things will definitely get better.

And if you are still wondering why all this happened to you, then just remember that Love always comes with a price tag, and anybody who falls in love needs to pay the price for it one way or the other. Does that mean you stop being in love? No, not at all. Love is a beautiful feeling, be in love, by all mean be in love But learn to accept the entire package and not just the goodness of love.

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