It wasn’t your fault

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It wasn’t your fault you weren’t protected from getting hurt when you were younger.

It wasn’t your fault you weren’t told how much you mattered, how much you were worth.

It wasn’t your fault you had no voice, that you were powerless and not taught to say no.

It wasn’t your fault you didn’t know how to draw the line around your heart, mind and body to protect yourself from being hurt by others.

It wasn’t your fault the people who should have shown you where to draw that line instead made you feel you weren’t important enough to keep safe.

You grew up with no lines and no boundaries and you didn’t know the difference between love and abuse, and because of that, you allowed others to hurt you, when all you really wanted was for others to love you.

And that isn’t your fault.

Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be angry that you were never told how much you were worth. That you never protected yourself because nobody ever protected you. That you allowed people to violate the lines that should have been there but never were because you weren’t told how to put those lines in place.

Because you weren’t told how important you were, and how much it mattered.

How much you mattered.

Let the anger rise within you. Allow yourself to cry tears of rage and grief for all you have lost. For all others have taken from you – not what you have given away – but what others have taken from you, that you can no longer get back.

Use that anger to fight for yourself in the way you should have been fought for. Use it to reclaim all that has been taken, to reclaim your heart. Let the anger become a fire that rages in your soul and burns away the tarnish that others have left upon you. Let the flames consume you, let them purify you, let them cleanse you and refine you until all that is left is the beauty of who you really are.

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Your worth is great. You were created by the same hands that created the galaxies and the stars and the oceans and the storms and the wind that rages across the four corners of the earth. You were breathed into existence, not by accident, but with purpose, with promise. The entire universe listens just to hear the beating of your heart and the whisper of your breath. You were meant to be here. You were supposed to be here.

You were wanted here.

And you are worthy of the kind of love that nurtures your soul and heals your heart. A love that sees your value and worth and believes in you. A love that is strong and kind, loyal and true. A love that brushes the hair from your eyes and kisses your forehead and gives you its jacket when you are cold and holds your hand when you are scared and draws you into its arms and doesn’t let go until it stops hurting. You are worthy of someone whose feet are anchored; who loves you when you radiate with the light of the moon and stars, and loves you even harder when you are cast in the shadow of your own cold sorrow.

You are worthy of a love that will never, ever hurt you.

Draw your lines, dear woman, for within these lines lies the truth of all that you are worth.

And the moment you come to know this truth, is the moment nobody can ever take that away from you again.

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Girl with the guarded heart…

There is nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.

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She is not convinced by flowers and fancy dinners, nor won over by compliments and praise. In the beginning she is a slow dance, one step toward you, another step back, as she learns to trust the ways of your heart and the strength of your arms. The dance may be slow but it cannot be rushed, for she will sense the impatience of your steps and the way they fall out of time with hers. Dance with her. Follow the measure of her steps and in time, she will soon look to follow yours.

She will not show you her heart all at once, instead offer you a little at a time, unhurried and watchful of the way you hold each fragile piece. She longs for you to understand how much it takes her to show you these pieces; for you to trace your fingers over the scars left behind from others, to feel the whisper of your breath against her neck as you promise to hold her heart with more care than those who came before. There are parts of her heart that remain unreachable, parts she has buried under layers she will never reveal. Love these parts of her, the parts unseen, the shadows of her soul. For even the sky knows without darkness, the stars cannot adorn us with their light.

She will watch you closer than you realise, listen to every word you speak and weigh it against every action, searching for inconsistencies, seeking the truth of your word and the intention of your heart. Not because she can’t trust you, but because she is cautious, alert, wary; the stories of her past still etched upon her mind. She isn’t ready to trust her heart with you. Not yet. Not until she knows you are a man of your word, a man of steadfast hands and unchanging ways.

There is a part of her that will always remain a little detached, ready to run if she thinks her heart will get damaged again. She no longer believes in second chances, having used all of them on those undeserving of such grace. To hurt her means to lose her, for she would sooner be alone than risk losing the life she has fought so damn hard to rebuild with her own wearied hands. She isn’t there because she needs you. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s there because she has chosen you, because she wants you, because she believes you are worth the risk. And all she asks is for you not to prove her wrong in the chance she has taken, for it has cost her more than you know.

She will need more reassurance than most, she will need you to stay present, available, mindful of her scars. She will think too much, talk too little, cry too often, ask too many questions, struggle to rest in your love. She is complex. Complicated. Perplexing. Sometimes difficult.

But beyond her guarded heart lies a soul that contains the wonders of the universe. One that longs to live and love with abandon, that desires connection and intimacy and to be in relationship with someone who sees both her beauty and her scars, and knows how to fall in love with both.

She holds within her a fierce spirit; brave, strong, courageous, unrelenting; yet is also the quiet and the calm, a place to take shelter against the fury of the wind on storm-filled days. She is nurture, she is passion. She is a touch of madness against ordinary skies, a vulnerable heart with a fearless soul, a barefoot warrior who follows no trails but sets her own path.

She is grounded in her truth, accepting of her flaws, far from perfect but closer to real than most. She is wildflowers and ocean currents and meadows that dance upon the breath of summer winds, uncontained in earthly beauty and free in spiritual grace.

Broken, she knows what it means to suffer. But out of the depths of her suffering, she has come to understand love. And her guarded heart waits for the one who understands it too.

No, there may be nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.

But every day you choose to love her, she’ll prove to you why she’s worth it.

Written by Kathy Parker ❤

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I no longer need you.

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I thought it would be painful, letting you go.

I thought I would suffer, that my heart would be anguished with the loss of you. Or worse, maybe it would stop beating altogether.

Maybe without you, I would simply cease to exist.

I thought I would become adrift, for you had been the anchor I had formed my identity upon, the compass I had relied on for my direction. I thought without you I would become lost, disoriented.

I had expected to taste salty tears as they fell upon lips that once spoke so fondly of you; that my head would lay on my pillow damp with tears for as many nights as the moon continued to kiss the stars.

But one day, I just knew.

I hadn’t expected such a feeling of relief as I cut the ropes that once shackled me to you. One instant of tremendous clarity. One instant, where I finally knew.

I no longer needed you.

I no longer needed your opinion of me, your affirmation, your approval.

I no longer needed your judgments, your criticisms, your condemnations.

I no longer needed your expectations I could never meet; your hoops too high to jump through, your goal posts that shifted with every changing breeze.

I no longer needed your blame, your excuses, your justifications.

I no longer needed your pseudo love, fraught with conditions and attached with strings.

I thought I needed you. I didn’t.

I thought it would be hard to let you go. It wasn’t.

I thought I would miss you. I don’t.

For in one instant my heart was awakened to the truth of who I am.

I am more than the lies you made believe about myself. I am more than the look of failure in your eyes when I fell short of your demands. I am more than how worthless you made me feel. I am more than the ways you tried to break me.

I am a warrior, sculpted by the hands of creation, fashioned into being by the very hands that created the oceans and the stars and the mountains and air.

I am strong, I am brave, I am wise. I am gentle of spirit with the heart of a lioness.

I am creative, passionate, sensitive, and kind. I am of open heart and open mind. I am powerful, generous, thoughtful, daring, empathetic, raw, complex, courageous, understanding, forgiving.

I am everything you are not.

I will no longer carry the shame you made me suffer under the weight of.

That shame belongs to you.

And I will no longer carry my hate for you.

For that will only ever bind me to your darkness and give you permission to destroy my light. It will allow you to stay within me, to destroy my peace, to blacken my heart with the malice that lives within you.

It will tie me to your soul-destroying bitterness, your ugliness.

It will anchor me once more to you, who tried to drown me.

Instead, I will choose to go into the world and love more fiercely, show more compassion, be more generous, offer more kindness.

I will choose to forgive. For me, not for you.

I will choose to sow what I wish to see reaped for my children’s future.

I will choose to dis-empower hate.

I will choose freedom.

I will choose love.

I will stand firm upon the unshakeable truth of who I am.

And I will soar to heights you will only ever dream of.

For I have let you go.

No longer am I held down by all I allowed you to be in my life.

I no longer need you.

I am free.

Written by Kathy Parker

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Beliefs About Love…

17 Beliefs About Love You Need To Let Go Of If You Want To Be Happy

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1. Let go of the belief that there’s only one right way to feel it, experience it, and live it.

2. Let go of the belief that romantic love is the answer to all of your problems, and that as soon as you find it, all the anxiety you have about your job and your social life and your overall existence will magically dissipate.

3. Let go of the belief that the reason you have not yet found your person is because you’re unlovable. Let go of every instinct within you that wants you to believe that something is wrong with you, or that something about you must be fixed. That’s the bad side of your brain talking.

4. Let go of the belief that everyone else’s romantic life or single life must be way better than yours, since it seems that way.

5.Let go of the belief that once you find love, everything that comes afterwards is easy and effortless and perfect and a total cakewalk.

6. Let go of the belief that you only deserve to find love once everything else in your life is perfect.

7.Let go of the belief that love is something you must cross off of a checklist, that you need to find your soulmate in order to be ‘successful’ and to be considered someone with a good life.

8.Let go of the idea that your future lifelong love must be perfect. Let go of the image you’ve built up in your brain – of someone strong and flawless and simply everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Come to terms with the fact that the right person can be imperfect while still being perfect for you.

 

9.  Let go of the pressure you feel to explain your ‘single situation’ to that nosy person at that party. Let go of the belief that you are required to give them a detailed answer as to what could possibly be so wrong with you that you are ‘still’ alone. Learn that there is nothing wrong with politely or not-so-politely telling them to leave you alone.

10. Let go of the belief that everyone who is in a relationship is radiantly happy, and that everyone who is single is unbelievably depressed.

11. Let go of the belief that love should always feel weightless and beautiful and easy. Even with the right person, it can still be really damn hard.

12. Let go of the belief that there’s an age limit to finding new love. Some of the happiest people around found love at 43.

13. Let go of the idea that you can only be truly whole once you’ve found another person. They can make you feel whole and complete and known, but you can also do this on your own.

14. Let go of your desire to have every milestone in your life organized, planned, and scheduled down to the minute. You can control a lot of things in your life, but you can’t control how or when or even if you fall in love.

15. Let go of the belief that you need someone else to come into your life to make everything right. You can start that all by yourself, right now.

16. Let go of the idea that you’re alone. Because even if you’re single, even if you think you’re the most single person in the world, you’re still not alone.

17. Let go of the idea that finding true, incredible, soul-shaking love is the only option. It’s a breathtaking option, it’s a wonderful option, and I hope with my everything that it happens to you. But I cannot promise you that it absolutely will. And even if it doesn’t, you will be okay. Okay can still mean you’ll sometimes be sad, or lonely, or frustrated. But still, you will be okay.

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Second love is the real love

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Second love teaches you how to love again after you’ve been broken. It teaches you that love still exists, that you’re capable of loving again and loving harder. That you can still have faith in love no matter how much pain your first love caused you. Second love is there to pick up the pieces.

Second love gives you hope. That your fairy tale is still out there. That heartbreak is not the end of the world and that there are better things ahead. It shows you what happens when you move on, when you let go, when you try again and when you never lose hope. Second love shows you the light after the dark.

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Second love is braver. It means you know how to forgive, you know how to risk getting hurt again because it’s worth it. It means that you’re prepared for the worst but you’re hoping for the best. Second love makes you stronger.

Second love makes you believe in timing. Why things didn’t work out the first time around, why you fell in love with the wrong person, why you had to get your heartbroken and why someone left you when they promised to love you. It’s here to tell you that there is always a valid reason behind your pain and that loving someone doesn’t always mean they’re right for you. Second love answers all these questions.

Second love makes sense. It’s not based on childhood fantasies or lust or infatuation. It’s not blind or reckless or toxic. It’s not based on unrealistic expectations or sheer obsession. Second love comes after you’ve learned to listen to your gut, to watch for the red flags, to pick someone because they will add value to your life and when you’ve learned to make decisions out of maturity not out of loneliness.

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Second love shows you that you can be someone’s first choice and shows you what it really means to be loved.

by Rania Naim

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2018 will be a selfish year

2018 will be a selfish year. My time will be invested on me. On improving myself. I want to become a better person physically and mentally.

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1. Stop living life that always stays still, a life where you only watch other people run after the things they truly want in life while you just lay back because you’re too scared of even giving it a try.

2. Stop just having 4 hours of sleep every night. Have you ever noticed how irritable you get after you’ve been sleep-deprived for too long? No matter how busy you are, take out at least 8 hours of sleep in a day. You can watch that season tomorrow. You can scroll through your news-feed in the morning. And you can chat with your friends when you’ve gotten some rest.

3. Stop thinking that fear is something that should be avoided at all times. In some situations, fear is actually our heart’s way of letting us know about the things we truly want in life, but are scared of pursuing because of how people will perceive them or how we might end up failing. If your heart begins to pound the minute you think about signing up for those dance lessons or applying for that new job or even making amends with that long-lost friend, then it’s time to truly listen. Start embracing your fears. I guarantee you won’t regret it.

4. Stop putting up with people who have clearly been taking you for granted, people who can’t even meet you half-way, and people who keep expecting you to constantly be there for them but will not even message to ask if you’re okay in your time of need.

5. Stop putting up with a life where you always have to hide your true mental state, whether it’s some form of depression, anxiety, OCD or anything in the world. Stop making yourself believe that you’re a burden on this world. Stop telling yourself that the things you’re feeling are something you should be ashamed of. And stop assuming that no one and nothing can help you get out of this.

6. Stop putting up with a job that constantly makes you want to kill yourself, only because you feel convinced that this is the only one you’re capable of getting.

7. Stop putting up with a body that keeps making you feel like there’s something wrong. If you think you’re being unhealthy, start putting in efforts to change that. Take out some time to exercise every day. Start eating less outside and incorporate healthy food such as fruits and vegetables into your diet. Keep reminding yourself that sometimes, one drink is enough for you. Take the stairs instead of waiting a long time for the lift to come. And walk as much as you can instead of lying in your bed all day.

8. Stop putting up with days that will have no significance in your life. Life is short and you have very little time to keep wasting. It’s true that at times, we all need to just take some time away- time where we can just relax and do absolutely nothing. But if you spend every single weekend just sleeping in your bed all day, or aimlessly scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed or even binge watching a show that you’ve already seen a hundred times before, it’s never going to make you feel happy. Instead, you might end up being filled with emptiness.

9. Stop putting up with people who don’t accept you exactly the way you are, who always give comments or act in ways that reflect how badly they want you to change your personality, and who make you feel like you just can’t ever be good enough for them.

10. Stop putting up with excess. I’m not implying here that you should start feeling guilty about the spa day you treated yourself to after a month of constant tensions or even about buying those amazing shoes you had your eyes on for quite a long time. But maybe it’s time to stop buying clothes that you won’t even wear more than once, to reconsider your decision of getting that expensive phone upgrade you don’t really need, and to make sure you don’t keep buying excess food that you will have to throw away later and feel bad about. Try out a new and simpler lifestyle this year and observe if it has a positive effect on your personality and general outlook in life.

11. Stop putting up with a work environment that makes you feel unimportant, a place that keeps implying that you don’t really matter, a place that keeps ignoring your voice, and a place that treats you like a disposable commodity instead of an actual human being.

12. Stop putting up with a life where you’re constantly on autopilot- where you wake up like a zombie every morning and go to work with zero emotions, where you prefer to play on your phone instead of enjoying an actual conversation when you’re out with friends, where you actually think long and hard before saying anything that’s actually in your heart. It’s time to allow yourself to relax, to start being truly present, and to make the best out of every moment in your life.

13. Stop putting up with toxic social situations. If you get invited to a lunch with people who you know are extremely judgmental and gossipy, people who have more interest in other’s lives than their own, and people who can never be true to you or to anyone else, then don’t force yourself to go out of obligation. Decline their offer politely and if that’s not possible for some reason, just make an appearance and leave after an hour max. You are not obligated to keep giving more of your time and energy to people who don’t deserve them.

14. Stop putting up with being the person who is just an ‘okay’ friend to others. If a friend is in a bad place in their life where they just can’t seem to find a reason to smile, then show up to their place with some ice cream and don’t leave them alone to their thoughts until you feel like they’re ready. If your friend is doing something you don’t approve of, try to understand their reasons behind it without immediately judging them or writing them off. If your friend has done something wrong to you, give them a chance to explain and if they actually apologize, forgive them. Just remember that most of the awful things a friend has done to you, you probably did them to someone else once.

15. Stop putting up with always placing a mediocre effort into everything you do. Life isn’t just about doing the bare minimum- showing up to your job and waiting for the evening to go home instead of actually working hard to give back to your organization, or studying just enough to get a passing grade instead of working to achieve your full potential. Keep challenging yourself. Keep forcing yourself to grow. And keep working towards becoming the best possible version of yourself.

16. Stop putting up with always maintaining a negative attitude about things in your life that aren’t actually that bad or negative. If your professor didn’t give you the marks you were hoping for in a paper you worked hard on, go and talk to him about how you can do things differently next time. If someone at office was rude to you, understand that they might be going through a rough day and then just forget about it. If it’s extremely hot outside, remind yourself about how lucky you are to be sitting in an air-conditioned room with a roof above your head. If the traffic is really terrible, appreciate how this is one of the uncommon times when you really have nothing else to do but think freely about yourself and your life.

17. Stop putting up with the thought that happiness is some kind of end goal to achieve in life instead of a constant state of being. You can keep running after that promotion you always wanted but once you get it, you’ll just start looking for a higher post to achieve. You can keep pursuing that girl you always wanted to date but once she finally says yes and enters into a normal relationship with you, things will start to feel pretty ordinary instead of being as exciting as they once looked. You can keep trying to grab some fame, power or general praise in life but at what point will you finally feel like it’s enough? At one point or the other, you need to accept the fact that if you continue chasing things in life, you will just keep coming up with something new and better that you NEED to have. But if you actually focus on the sheer joy of being, you will have a much easier time discovering some real happiness. Happiness is right there with you. You just have to stop for a minute and start feeling it.

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AS I BEGAN TO LOVE MYSELF…

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As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognised that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!

~ By Charlie Chaplin  

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